My current view

Posted on | September 1, 2010 | No Comments

Trying to be ok with the fact that this is my current view.

How did I get here? – Doesn’t matter. I know I won’t always be here.

I would rather be sitting in a Japanese Zen Garden in a city with less than 50% humidity. But what I want also doesn’t matter.

It just is.

Quote: “Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer.” ~William S. Burroughs

Listening to: Orange Juice – Blue Boy

What I Built

Posted on | August 15, 2010 | 3 Comments

I’m sitting on my couch looking at my dimly lit house. Matt, Mason and Jack are sleeping. I spent time cleaning earlier, but I still see some toys on the floor.

Here I am, now. Sitting in silence.

I built this home. I put it together. I picked almost everything in it. I wanted to change so much about it. I wanted to leave it. I thought almost everything about it was a mistake.

Here come the tears…

I did pick this life and it was no mistake. I am here now. I am not somewhere else. Wake up! Open your eyes. My life is here, right in front of me. My family and responsibilities are within arms reach, no where else.

I won’t be here, in this home, city, community, when I’m not here anymore and not knowing when that will be is just fine with me. I’m ok with not knowing now. I think now for the first time, I’m actually comfortable with being here in this house.

Look how yellow those pillows are! Wow the ceiling is high! I don’t think I’ve ever rubbed my feet in the rug below my feet!

This is my house, my life. I’m awake but still one thing is missing, my beautiful daughter. I did make this life, the life she no longer wanted to be a part of. The life that pushed her away. The life that isn’t complete without her. The life that misses her so much.

Category: Close to Home
Tags: here > home

That Special Book in My Life

Posted on | July 8, 2010 | No Comments

Momma Zen by Karen Maezen Miller!

Category: This and That

Impact a Hero 5K

Posted on | June 7, 2010 | No Comments

Over the weekend, I ran/walked a 5K! I have bad feet and haven’t walked in a while let alone run. My sister who has been working out a lot asked me to do the 5K with her. I had just gotten my new orthotics and thought I would try it since I had walked 4 times this week before for about an hour.

The Impact a Hero 5K took place in Sugarland, Texas. Impact A Hero is a non-partisan 501(c) (3) organization, created to provide a simple mechanism for individuals and corporations to help provide emotional and financial support for our severely wounded /disabled War on Terror veterans and their families. Donations are tax-deductible.

We wanted our nephew Jacob to run but he decided against it. We did get Mason and our other nephew Jordan to run the kids 1K!

She signed us up at “We Run for Torillas!”

It took me 42 minutes and I listened to the Pixes the whole time! Thanks Joey Santiago! Note: They are touring again and passing through Houston and Austin, among other cities! I already bought my tickets!

Mason and Jordan had a bit of rivalry going on. Each thought they were going to win. Mason out grew his running shoes. I was busy Friday so I sent Corinna to get Mason a new pair of shoes but asked her for the wrong size. Race morning, they were too small and he had to wear is Vans.

Mason was a bit nervous and I was at the starting line with him but when the gun went off, he took off! Lightning fast! I was worried he would stop and turn around and realize I wasn’t right there with him.

I waited for the turn around and when I saw this little pair of Vans from a far, I knew it was my little Mason! I thought he was going to stop when he saw me so I ran with him in to the finish line!